Wounded Heart Holiday
As I approach this Holiday season, my heart aches for my wife of 22 years, who died unexpectedly and suddenly last January. Memories of past Holidays dance in my head. Every ornament, decoration, aroma of cedar and baking, delivers reminders of my life with Jill.
What is helping my heart heal are the people in my life. The presence of my oldest daughter’s family, easy access to my youngest daughter and new grand-baby, and the support of long-term friends, both near and far, have all helped immensely. As has taking time to contemplate my life, my achievements, and to create my “living legacy.”
This year I created a new program called “Getting Naked (With Your Clothes On)” that’s all about living fearlessly, freely, without regret. It’s not just a set of practices I teach, it’s how I live my life. Sharing my grief with those who truly know me benefited us all. Their support moved me through the grieving process faster than most. Our conversations also created safe spaces for them to go beyond stilted condolences to express their heartfelt love and support. These are not easy conversations, but they are necessary for processing denial, pain, anger, and regret, in the healthiest ways possible.
I share this especially for those who are nursing your own wounded hearts, and to the people who love you. This holiday season, share your “naked truth” about your grief, loss or disappointment. Invite your friends to love and support you.
If you are celebrating the holidays with a full, happy heart, reach out to those who could use a kind word and a reminder of how important they are in your life. You will both come away from those conversation feeling heard, understood and loved.
The last stage of grief is acceptance. It is a good place to be, You will never forget. You may never understand why. But you will never lose important memories. And you will build the emotional strength that helps you accept the life changes – good and bad, chosen and unchosen – that continue to unfold.