Telling the truth is hard, or seems to be. In my experience, after a moment of sharing a “big truth” or as might be said, exposing the “elephant in the room” (the thing that everyone knows is there but pretends otherwise) relief might be the experience instead of guilt or embarrassment.
We humans often seem to expect the worst when in fact, we might make an outcome worse by creating a story and in the process tell lies to ourselves and others. All to cover up or hide something that seems awful.
If you want to have the best possible life, relationships, health, wealth and happiness (what else is there?), you must find ways to be honest, with yourself and with others. Yet, this does not mean you have to be totally naked and bear your soul without some forethought and careful planning.
Maybe you have done something you’re not proud of (had an affair, gambled secretly, got arrested, mishandled money, etc.) If that’s the case, you can’t share that openly or with everyone. I maintain, that we all need at least one (hopefully more) confidante or committed listener in our lives. Someone who will hear you, hold you in a safe presence, and allow you to share your truth in a non-judgmental space.
Not all of us have experienced a transgression as big as the ones in the example. Maybe, for you, you’re just lying about what you want, how you want to really live, dreams you might have given up on or plans you have put on the shelf.
If you feel like you are settling for mediocrity in your life and that something is missing, what is the lie you might be living? Where can you find a place, person, or opportunity to fully express who you are, and how you were meant to be?
I believe that we are all born with a purpose and gifts and we spend our life attempting to discover and then, hopefully to manifest them. If we deny that truth that we hear from our ‘still small voice” then we are not listening and we will be living a lie.
Recently I was asked to be part of a TV series being pitched for 2017 media outlets called Radical Dating. In the filming of my mini workshop as well as individual coaching to the participants looking for love after age 40, I introduced a concept called Your Naked Nugget.
A Naked Nugget
A Naked Nugget, is something that you need to share early in a relationship to see if you even want to invest in the next steps to move forward or not. If you are not honest early on, that sets the stage for being dishonest later on. Naked nuggets are statements or beliefs that you share about yourself to tell the truth early on…the earlier the better.
These may be things you believe are non-negotiable, such as you hate smoking, or you have dogs, or don’t cook well, or other truths unique to you. After all, it is your authentic uniqueness that you want to be attractive.
And these nuggets may be bigger, more personal statements such as, “I have been hurt a lot and I have difficulty trusting…so I need to be overly cautious and I might seem suspicious when there is no need, but please just know that about me.”
That kind of naked truth (nugget) shows that you are honest and that you don’t want your intentions misinterpreted and you also want to get beyond your predictable fears and foibles.
So think…what are the lies you are telling yourself? How do they limit your happiness and authentic living with a vibrancy and full engagement in the best life has to offer?
So if you really want to get honest with yourself then find out more in my new book Getting Naked: On Being Emotionally Transparent at the Right Time, the Right Place, and with the Right Person or visit my website www.drpatwilliams.com to learn more about finding your authentic self.